What Watching My Daughter Taught Me About Belonging
Lately, my daughter has been dealing with one of those friendship situations that seems to arrive in every generation.
The gatekeeper.
The child who decides who’s in and who’s out.
Who gets invited.
Who gets included.
Who gets to walk with who.
It’s playground politics in miniature, and somehow it can feel surprisingly brutal.
Recently, another child decided she was in charge of who was “allowed” to walk to an event with their friendship group.
The whole thing was completely ridiculous.
And yet, like most things involving humans, it wasn’t really about the walk.
It was about belonging.
The Invisible Permission Slip
Watching it unfold reminded me of something I’ve noticed about adulthood too.
So many of us spend our lives waiting for permission.
Permission to take up space.
Permission to share our work.
Permission to wear the thing.
Start the business.
Join the conversation.
Ask the question.
Be ourselves.
We act as though somewhere there’s a committee handing out official approval stamps.
There isn’t.
Yet we spend years behaving as though there is.
The Gatekeepers Don’t Disappear
The funny thing is, gatekeepers don’t stop existing when we leave school.
Sometimes they’re colleagues.
Sometimes they’re strangers on the internet.
Sometimes they’re people we’ve known for years.
And sometimes, if we’re being honest, they’re the voice inside our own head.
The one saying:
“Who do you think you are?”
“Don’t put yourself out there.”
“You’ll look silly.”
“People like you don’t do things like that.”
That voice can be every bit as limiting as the person standing at the playground gate.
The Thing I Hope My Daughter Learns
After she’d told me everything that had happened, I found myself saying something I probably needed to hear too.
You don’t need permission to exist in someone else’s spotlight.
You don’t need an invitation to be kind.
You don’t need approval to take up space.
And your worth has absolutely nothing to do with whether someone else decides you’re included.
Those are lessons I hope she carries for the rest of her life.
I’m still learning them myself.
Why This Matters to Me
A lot of what I create through Lucky Threads comes back to reminders.
Not because we’re broken.
Not because we need fixing.
But because we forget.
We forget we’re capable.
We forget we’re enough.
We forget that other people’s opinions aren’t reliable measures of our worth.
Sometimes we just need something to bring us back to ourselves.
A phrase.
A piece of art.
A mantra.
A reminder.
Anything that helps us remember who we were before we started asking everyone else who we should be.
A Thought to Take With You
If you’ve ever felt excluded, overlooked, underestimated, or like you needed someone else’s permission to be yourself, this is your reminder:
You belong.
Not because someone chose you.
Not because you were invited.
Not because you earned it.
Simply because you’re here.
And that’s enough.
My girl will walk tall knowing she’s kind, inclusive, and doesn’t need permission to exist in someone else’s spotlight.
About me
Artist, thread enthusiast, creator of Lucky Threads, collector of half-finished ideas, and owner of approximately 47 open browser tabs at any given moment.
Made with thread, coffee, and a slightly chaotic brain.
🖤 Claire
PS: If you want the full ranty version of this story, I shared it on Threads earlier this week.
If you liked this reflection, you might enjoy these too: • Why I Added a Mini Tarot Card Pull to Lucky Threads • Why I Built a Mantra Generator for Chaotic, Overthinking Humans
[…] If you liked this one, here are two more threads you might want to follow: • Why I Added a Mini Tarot Card Pull to Lucky Threads • You Don’t Need Permission to Belong […]